energetic remedies
- Speak English! - said the Eaglet. - I don't know the meaning of
half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!
And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds
tittered audibly.
- What I was going to say, - said the Dodo in an offended tone, -
was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.
- What IS a Caucus-race? - said Alice; not that she wanted much to
know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to
speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
- Why, - said the Dodo, - the best way to explain it is to do it.
(And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will
tell you how the Dodo managed it.)
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ( - the exact
shape doesn't matter, - it said,) and then all the party were placed along
the course, here and there. There was no - One, two, three, and away, -
but they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so
that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However, when they
had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo
suddenly called out - The race is over! - and they all crowded round it,
panting, and asking, - But who has won?
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of
thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its
forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the
pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said,
- EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.
- But who is to give the prizes? - quite a chorus of voices asked.
- Why, SHE, of course, - said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one
finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a
confused way, - Prizes! Prizes!
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her
pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had not
got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one
a-piece all round.
- But she must have a prize herself, you know, - said the Mouse.
- Of course, - the Dodo replied very gravely. - What else have you
got in your pocket? - he went on, turning to Alice.
- Only a thimble, - said Alice sadly.
- Hand it over here, - said the Dodo. Then they all crowded round her
once more, while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying - We beg
your acceptance of this elegant thimble; - and, when it had finished this
short speech, they all cheered.
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so
grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of
anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn
as she could.
The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and
confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs,
and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back. However, it
was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and begged the Mouse
to tell them something more.
- You promised to tell me your history, you know, - said Alice, - and
why it is you hate - C and D, - she added in a whisper, half afraid that
it would be offended again.
- Mine is a long and a sad tale! - said the Mouse, turning to Alice,
and sighing.
- It IS a long tail, certainly, - said Alice, looking down with
wonder at the Mouse's tail - - but why do you call it sad? - And she kept
on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the
tale was something like this:
- Fury said to a
mouse, That he
met in the
house,
- Let us
both go to
law: I will
prosecute
YOU. - Come,
I'll take no
denial; We
must have a
trial: For
really this
morning I've
nothing
to do.
Said the
mouse to the
cur, - Such
a trial,
dear Sir,
With
no jury
or judge,
would be
wasting
our
breath.
- I'll be
judge, I'll
be jury,
Said
cunning
old Fury:
- I'll
try the
whole
cause,
and
condemn
you
to
death.
- You are not attending! - said the Mouse to Alice severely. - What
are you thinking of?
- I beg your pardon, - said Alice very humbly: - you had got to the
fifth bend, I think?
- I had NOT! - cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
- A knot! - said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and
looking anxiously about her. - Oh, do let me help to undo it!
- I shall do nothing of the sort, - said the Mouse, getting up and
walking away. - You insult me by talking such nonsense!
- I didn't mean it! - pleaded poor Alice. - But you're so easily
offended, you know!
The Mouse only growled in reply. - Please come back and finish your
story! - Alice called after it; and the others all joined in chorus, -
Yes, please do! - but the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and
walked a little quicker.
- What a pity it wouldn't stay! - sighed the Lory, as soon as it was
quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her
daughter - Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose YOUR
temper! - - Hold your tongue, Ma! - said the young Crab, a little
snappishly. - You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!
- I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do! - said Alice aloud,
addressing nobody in particular. - She'd soon fetch it back!
- And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question? - said
the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her
pet: - Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you
can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, she'll
eat a little bird as soon as look at it!
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of
the birds hurried off at once: one the old Magpie began wrapping itself up
very carefully, remarking, - I really must be getting home; the night-air
doesn't suit my throat! - and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to
its children, - Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed! -
On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
- I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah! - she said to herself in a
melancholy tone. - Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's
the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see
you any more! - And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very
lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard a
little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly,
half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to
finish his story.
CHAPTER IV
The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking
anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard it
muttering to itself - The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur
and whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets!
Where CAN I have dropped them, I wonder? - Alice guessed in a moment that
it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she very
good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were nowhere to be
seen - everything seemed to have changed since her swim in the pool, and
the great hall, with the glass table and the little door, had vanished
completely.
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and
called out to her in an angry tone, - Why, Mary Ann, what ARE you doing
out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!
Quick, now! - And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in
the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it had
made.
- He took me for his housemaid, - she said to herself as she ran. -
How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him
his fan and gloves - that is, if I can find them. - As she said this, she
came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass
plate with the name - W. RABBIT - engraved upon it. She went in without
knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the
real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan
and gloves.
- How queer it seems, - Alice said to herself, - to be going messages
for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next! - And she
began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: - Miss Alice! Come
here directly, and get ready for your walk! - - Coming in a minute, nurse!
But I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out. Only I don't think, -
Alice went on, - that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began
ordering people about like that!
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a
table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three
pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the
gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a
little bottle that stood near the lookingglass. There was no label this
time with the words - DRINK ME, - but nevertheless she uncorked it and put
it to her lips. - I know SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen, - she
said to herself, - whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what
this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really I'm
quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she
had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the
ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily
put down the bottle, saying to herself - That's quite enough - I hope I
shan't grow any more - As it is, I can't get out at the door - I do wish I
hadn't drunk quite so much!
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing,
and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there was
not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with one
elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head. Still she
went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out of the
window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself - Now I can do no
more, whatever happens. What WILL become of me?
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full
effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as
there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room
