do you know that you're mad?
- To begin with, - said the Cat, - a dog's not mad. You grant that?
- I suppose so, - said Alice.
- Well, then, - the Cat went on, - you see, a dog growls when it's
angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased,
and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.
- I call it purring, not growling, - said Alice.
- Call it what you like, - said the Cat. - Do you play croquet with
the Queen to-day?
- I should like it very much, - said Alice, - but I haven't been
invited yet.
- You'll see me there, - said the Cat, and vanished. Alice was not
much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer things happening.
While she was looking at the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared
again.
- By-the-bye, what became of the baby? - said the Cat. - I'd nearly
forgotten to ask.
- It turned into a pig, - Alice quietly said, just as if it had come
back in a natural way.
- I thought it would, - said the Cat, and vanished again. Alice
waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not appear,
and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the
March Hare was said to live. - I've seen hatters before, she said to
herself; - the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps
as this is May it won't be raving mad - at least not so mad as it was in
March. - As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again,
sitting on a branch of a tree.
- Did you say pig, or fig? - said the Cat.
- I said pig, - replied Alice; - and I wish you wouldn't keep
appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make on quite giddy.
- All right, - said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
- Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, - thought Alice; - but
a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever say in my life!
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house
of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the
chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It was
so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled
some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two
feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to
herself - Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd
gone to see the Hatter instead!
CHAPTER VII
A Mad Tea-Party
There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the
March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting
between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion,
resting their elbows on it, and the talking over its head.
- Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse, - thought Alice; - only, as
it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.
The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at
one corner of it: - No room! No room! - they cried out when they saw Alice
coming. - There's PLENTY of room! - said Alice indignantly, and she sat
down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
- Have some wine, - the March Hare said in an encouraging tone. Alice
looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. - I don't
see any wine, - she remarked.
- There isn't any, - said the March Hare.
- Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it, - said Alice angrily.
- It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited, said
the March Hare.
- I didn't know it was YOUR table, - said Alice; - it's laid for a
great many more than three.
- Your hair wants cutting, - said the Hatter. He had been looking at
Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
- You should learn not to make personal remarks, - Alice said with
some severity; - it's very rude.
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID
was, - Why is a raven like a writing-desk?
- Come, we shall have some fun now! - thought Alice. - I'm glad
they've begun asking riddles. - I believe I can guess that, - she added
aloud.
- Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it? said
the March Hare.
- Exactly so, - said Alice.
- Then you should say what you mean, - the March Hare went on.
- I do, - Alice hastily replied; - at least - at least I mean what I
say - that's the same thing, you know.
- Not the same thing a bit! - said the Hatter. - You might just as
well say that - I see what I eat - is the same thing as - I eat what I see
- !
- You might just as well say, - added the March Hare, - that - I like
what I get - is the same thing as - I get what I like - !
- You might just as well say, - added the Dormouse, who seemed to be
talking in his sleep, - that - I breathe when I sleep - is the same thing
as - I sleep when I breathe - !
- It IS the same thing with you, - said the Hatter, and here the
conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice
thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which
wasn't much.
The Hatter was the first to break the silence. - What day of the
month is it? - he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of
his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then,
and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little, and then said - The fourth. - Two days
wrong! - sighed the Hatter. - I told you butter wouldn't suit the works! -
he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
- It was the BEST butter, - the March Hare meekly replied.
- Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well, - the Hatter
grumbled: - you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he
dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think
of nothing better to say than his first remark, - It was the BEST butter,
you know.
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. - What
a funny watch! - she remarked. - It tells the day of the month, and
doesn't tell what o'clock it is!
- Why should it? - muttered the Hatter. - Does YOUR watch tell you
what year it is?
- Of course not, - Alice replied very readily: - but that's because
it stays the same year for such a long time together.
- Which is just the case with MINE, - said the Hatter. Alice felt
dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning
in it, and yet it was certainly English. - I don't quite understand you, -
she said, as politely as she could.
- The Dormouse is asleep again, - said the Hatter, and he poured a
little hot tea upon its nose.
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening
its eyes, - Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.
- Have you guessed the riddle yet? - the Hatter said, turning to
Alice again.
- No, I give it up, - Alice replied: - that's the answer?
- I haven't the slightest idea, - said the Hatter.
- Nor I, - said the March Hare. Alice sighed wearily. - I think you
might do something better with the time, - she said, - than waste it in
asking riddles that have no answers.
- If you knew Time as well as I do, - said the Hatter, - you wouldn't
talk about wasting IT. It's HIM.
- I don't know what you mean, - said Alice.
- Of course you don't! - the Hatter said, tossing his head
contemptuously. - I dare say you never even spoke to Time!
- Perhaps not, - Alice cautiously replied: - but I know I have to
beat time when I learn music.
- Ah! that accounts for it, - said the Hatter. - He won't stand
beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost
anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine
o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to
whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past
one, time for dinner!
( - I only wish it was, - the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.
) - That would be grand, certainly, - said Alice thoughtfully: - but then
- I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.
- Not at first, perhaps, - said the Hatter: - but you could keep it
to half-past one as long as you liked.
- Is that the way YOU manage? - Alice asked. The Hatter shook his
head mournfully. - Not I! - he replied. - We quarrelled last March - just
before HE went mad, you know - (pointing with his tea spoon at the March
Hare,) - it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I
had to sing
- Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!
You know the song, perhaps?
- I've heard something like it, - said Alice.
- It goes on, you know, - the Hatter continued, - in this way:
- Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle -
Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle - and went on so long that they
had to pinch it to make it stop.
- Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse, - said the Hatter, -
when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, - He's murdering the time! Off
with his head!
- How dreadfully savage! - exclaimed Alice.
- And ever since that, - the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, - he
won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.
A bright idea came into Alice's head. - Is that the reason so many
tea-things are put out here? - she asked.
- Yes, that's it, - said the Hatter with a sigh: - it's always
tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.
- Then you keep moving round, I suppose? - said Alice.
- Exactly so, - said the Hatter: - as the things get used up.
- But what happens when you come to the beginning again? - Alice
ventured to ask.
- Suppose we change the subject, - the March Hare interrupted,
yawning. - I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a
story.
- I'm afraid I don't know one, - said Alice, rather alarmed at the
proposal.
- Then the Dormouse shall! - they both cried. - Wake up, Dormouse!
And they pinched it on both sides at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. - I wasn't asleep, - he said in
a hoarse, feeble voice: - I heard every word you fellows were saying.
- Tell us a story! - said the March Hare.
- Yes, please do! - pleaded Alice.
- And be quick about it, - added the Hatter, - or you'll be asleep
again before it's done.
- Once upon a time there were three little sisters, - the Dormouse
began in a great hurry; - and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie;
and they lived at the bottom of a well
- What did they live on? - said Alice, who always took a great
interest in questions of eating and drinking.
- They lived on treacle, - said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute
or two.
- They couldn't have done that, you know, - Alice gently remarked; -
they'd have been ill. - So they were, - said the Dormouse; - VERY ill.
Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of
living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on:
