Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
that all the jurors were writing down - stupid things! - on their slates,
and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell -
stupid, - and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. - A nice
muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over! - thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very
soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that
the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all
what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged
to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very
little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
- Herald, read the accusation! - said the King. On this the White
Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment
scroll, and read as follows:
- The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!
- Consider your verdict, - the King said to the jury.
- Not yet, not yet! - the Rabbit hastily interrupted. - There's a
great deal to come before that!
- Call the first witness, - said the King; and the White Rabbit blew
three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, - First witness!
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one
hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. - I beg pardon, your
Majesty, - he began, - for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished
my tea when I was sent for.
- You ought to have finished, - said the King. - When did you begin?
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court,
arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. - Fourteenth of March, I think it was, - he
said.
- Fifteenth, - said the March Hare.
- Sixteenth, - added the Dormouse.
- Write that down, - the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
- Take off your hat, - the King said to the Hatter.
- It isn't mine, - said the Hatter.
- Stolen! - the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly
made a memorandum of the fact.
- I keep them to sell, - the Hatter added as an explanation; - I've
none of my own. I'm a hatter.
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the
Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
- Give your evidence, - said the King; - and don't be nervous, or
I'll have you executed on the spot.
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
form one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his
confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which
puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning
to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as
long as there was room for her.
- I wish you wouldn't squeeze so. - said the Dormouse, who was
sitting next to her. - I can hardly breathe.
- I can't help it, - said Alice very meekly: - I'm growing.
- You've no right to grow here, - said the Dormouse.
- Don't talk nonsense, - said Alice more boldly: - you know you're
growing too.
- Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace, - said the Dormouse: - not in
that ridiculous fashion. - And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to
the other side of the court.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter,
and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the
officers of the court, - Bring me the list of the singers in the last
concert! - on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both
his shoes off.
- Give your evidence, - the King repeated angrily, - or I'll have you
executed, whether you're nervous or not.
- I'm a poor man, your Majesty, - the Hatter began, in a trembling
voice, - and I hadn't begun my tea - not above a week or so - and what
with the bread-and-butter getting so thin - and the twinkling of the tea
- The twinkling of the what? - said the King.
- It began with the tea, - the Hatter replied.
- Of course twinkling begins with a T! - said the King sharply. - Do
you take me for a dunce? Go on!
- I'm a poor man, - the Hatter went on, - and most things twinkled
after that - only the March Hare said
- I didn't! - said the Hatter.
- I deny it! - said the King: - leave out that part.
- Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said - the Hatter went on, looking
anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
nothing, being fast asleep.
- After that, - continued the Hatter, - I cut some more bread
and-butter
- But what did the Dormouse say? - one of the jury asked.
- That I can't remember, - said the Hatter.
- You MUST remember, - remarked the King, - or I'll have you
executed. The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,
and went down on one knee. - I'm a poor man, your Majesty, - he began.
- You're a very poor speaker, - said the King. Here one of the
guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it
was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with
strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat
upon it.)
- I'm glad I've seen that done, - thought Alice. - I've so often read
in the newspapers, at the end of trials, - There was some attempts at
applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court, -
and I never understood what it meant till now.
- If that's all you know about it, you may stand down, - continued
the King.
- I can't go no lower, - said the Hatter: - I'm on the floor, as it
is.
- Then you may SIT down, - the King replied. Here the other
guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed. - Come, that finished the
guinea-pigs! - thought Alice. - Now we shall get on better.
- I'd rather finish my tea, - said the Hatter, with an anxious look
at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
- You may go, - said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the
court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
- and just take his head off outside, - the Queen added to one of the
officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to
the door.
- Call the next witness! - said the King. The next witness was the
Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed
who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way the people near
the door began sneezing all at once.
- Give your evidence, - said the King.
- Shan't, - said the cook. The King looked anxiously at the White
Rabbit, who said in a low voice, - Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS
witness.
- Well, if I must, I must, - the King said, with a melancholy air,
and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, - What are tarts made of?
- Pepper, mostly, - said the cook.
- Treacle, - said a sleepy voice behind her.
- Collar that Dormouse, - the Queen shrieked out. - Behead that
Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off
with his whiskers!
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the
Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the
cook had disappeared.
- Never mind! - said the King, with an air of great relief. - Call
the next witness. - And he added in an undertone to the Queen, - Really,
my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my
forehead ache!
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling
very curious to see what the next witness would be like, - for they
haven't got much evidence YET, - she said to herself. Imagine her
surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little
voice, the name - Alice!
CHAPTER XII
Alice's Evidence
- Here! - cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment
how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish
she had accidentally upset the week before.
- Oh, I BEG your pardon! - she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay,
and began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident
of the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or
they would die.
- The trial cannot proceed, - said the King in a very grave voice, -
until all the jurymen are back in their proper places-ALL, - he repeated
with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put
the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got
it out again, and put it right; - not that it signifies much, - she said
to herself; - I should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial
one way up as the other.
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
court.
- What do you know about this business? - the King said to Alice.
- Nothing, - said Alice.
- Nothing WHATEVER? - persisted the King.
- Nothing whatever, - said Alice.
- That's very important, - the King said, turning to the jury. They
were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White
Rabbit interrupted: - UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course, - he
said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he
spoke.
- UNimportant, of course, I meant, - the King hastily said, and went
on to himself in an undertone,
- important - unimportant-unimportant - important - as if he were
trying which word sounded best.
Some of the jury wrote it down - important, - and some - unimportant.
Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; -
but it doesn't matter a bit, - she thought to herself.
At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
his note-book, cackled out - Silence! - and read out from his book,
- Rule Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE
COURT.
Everybody looked at Alice. - I'M not a mile high, - said Alice. - You
are, - said the King. - Nearly two miles high, - added the Queen. - Well,
