Ïîéìè ñåáÿ è äðóãèõ
Êýò è Áèëë Êâîëñ.
Ïîéìè ñåáÿ è äðóãèõ
Kathy and Bill Kvols - Riedler
UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF AND OTHERS
(ÏÎÉÌÈ ÑÅÁß È ÄÐÓÃÈÕ)
Ñàíêò-Ïåòåðáóðã 1993
ISBN 5-85286-003-4
c Ïåðåâîä,èçäàíèå íà ðóññêîì ÿçûêå - ÍÎÓ "Âñåìèðíûå öåíòðû âçàèìîîòíîøåíèé".
Ðàçðåøåíî íåêîììåð÷åñêîå èñïîëüçîâàíèå â ýëåêòðîííûõ ñåòÿõ.
Ïî âîïðîñàì èçäàíèÿ è ïîëó÷åíèÿ èíôîðìàöèè î êóðñàõ - òðåíèíãàõ îáðàùàéòåñü:
Ñàíêò-Ïåòåðáóðã, Áèðæåâîé Ïðîåçä, äîì 6 (Ñòðåëêà Â.0.) òåëåôîíû: 328-87-19,
328-85-73,ôàêñ: 328-52-01; grcrus@mail.wplus.net
http://www.wplus.net/pp/grcrus/index.htm
Êýò è Áèëë ÊÂÎËÑ- ÐÈÄËÅÐ
ÏÎÉÌÈ ÑÅÁß È ÄÐÓÃÈÕ
ÏÎÍÈÌÀÍÈÅ ÑÅÁß È ÄÐÓÃÈÕ.
ËÞÁÎÂÍÛÅ ÎÒÍÎØÅÍÈß.
ÐÅØÅÍÈÅ ÊÎÍÔËÈÊÒÎÂ.
ÑÀÌÎÏÎÍÈÌÀÍÈÅ.
ÏÎËÎÆÈÒÅËÜÍÎÑÒÜ.
ÏÎÍÈÌÀÍÈÅ ÝÌÎÖÈÉ.
ÊÍÈÃÀ ÂÇÀÈÌÎÎÒÍÎØÅÍÈÉ.
Ïîñòàðàéòåñü óëó÷øèòü êà÷åñòâî âàøåé æèçíè! Ýòà êíèãà ïîìîæåò âàì:
- Îáîãàòèòü âàøè ëþáîâíûå îòíîøåíèÿ
- Óêðåïèòü äðóæáó
- Äîáèòüñÿ óñïåõà â âàøåé êàðüåðå
- Íàéòè ïîýòàïíîå ðóêîâîäñòâî äëÿ ðåøåíèÿ êîíôëèêòà
- Ýôôåêòèâíî ïîëüçîâàòüñÿ âàøèìè ýìîöèÿìè
- Âíåñòè áîëüøå èíòèìíîñòè â âàø áðàê
Êýò è Áèëë Êâîëñ-Ðèäëåð - äèðåêòîðà Öåíòðà îòíîøåíèé Äðåéêóðñà. Ýòà Íàöèîíàëüíàÿ
Ñèñòåìà öåíòðîâ îáó÷åíèÿ ïîìîãàåò ëþäÿì ïî âñåé Ñåâåðíîé Àìåðèêå ëó÷øå ïîíèìàòü
÷åëîâå÷åñêèå îòíîøåíèÿ. Áèëë è Êýò ÿâëÿþòñÿ òàêæå àâòîðàìè êíèã "Ïåðåîðèåíòàöèÿ
ïëîõîãî ïîâåäåíèÿ äåòåé" è "Óêàçàíèÿ ðîäèòåëÿì".
Ýòà êíèãà ïîñâÿùàåòñÿ âñåì, êòî ñòðåìèòñÿ íàñëàæäàòüñÿ ïðåêðàñíûìè
âçàèìîîòíîøåíèìè.
Ñîäåðæàíèå
ÂÑÒÓÏËÅÍÈÅ.....................................................................
9
ÏÐÅÄÈÑËÎÂÈÅ.................................................................. 10
ÃËÀÂÀ 1. ÍÅÎÁÕÎÄÈÌÀ ÑÌÅËÎÑÒÜ. ÊÀÊ ÂÛ ÂÛÐÀÁÎÒÀËÈ ÂÀØÅ
ÑÀÌÎÏÎÍÈÌÀÍÈÅ.................................................11
ÊÀÊÈÅ Ó ÂÀÑ ÆÅËÒÛÅ ÂÅÐÅÂÊÈ. ............................ 11
ÊÎÍÒÐÎËÈÐÎÂÀÍÈÅ ÏÐÈÐÎÄÛ.............................. 13
ÄÎËÆÍÎ ËÈ Â ÆÈÇÍÈ
ÂÑÅ ÁÛÒÜ ÏÎ-ÂÀØÅÌÓ? ........................................... 13
ÂÛ ÌÅÍßÅÒÅ ÌÈÐ. ..................................................... 15
ÊÀÊ ÑÅÁß ÏÎÄÁÎÄÐÈÒÜ............................................. 17
ÒÅÑÒ ÑÀÌÎÓÂÅÐÅÍÍÎÑÒÈ........................................ 17
ÏÎÄÁÀÄÐÈÂÀÍÈÅ ÄÐÓÃÈÕ......................................... 18
ÓÍÈÆÅÍÈÅ ÄÐÓÃÈÕ.................................................... 19
ÆÈÇÍÜ-ØÓÒÊÀ?........................................................... 19
ÁÎßÇÍÜ ÎØÈÁÎÊ.........................................................20
ÑÎÊÐÛÒÈÅ ÎØÈÁÎÊ................................................... 20
ÑÌÅËÎÑÒÜ ÁÛÒÜ ÍÅÑÎÂÅÐØÅÍÍÛÌ...................... 21
ÃËÀÂÀ 2. ÍÀØÈ ×ÓÂÑÒÂÀ È ÝÌÎÖÈÈ.
ÒÂÎÐ×ÅÑÊÀß ÎÒÂÅÒÑÒÂÅÍÍÎÑÒÜ................................... 28
ÑËÎÂÀÐÜ ×ÓÂÑÒÂ È ÝÌÎÖÈÉ. ...................................28
ÏÐÈÌÅÐÛ ÑËÎÂÀÐÍÛÕ ÒÅÐÌÈÍÎÂ...........................30
1.ÒÂÎÐ×ÅÑÊÀß ÎÒÂÅÒÑÒÂÅÍÍÎÑÒÜ................................. 30
2.×ÓÂÑÒÂÀ..............................................................................32
3.ÏÎÄÑÎÇÍÀÒÅËÜÍÛÅ ÍÀÌÅÐÅÍÈß..................................32
4.ÂÈÍÀ...................................................................................
33
5.ÁÅÑÏÎÊÎÉÑÒÂÎ............................................................... 33
6.ÐÅÂÍÎÑÒÜ..........................................................................34
7.ÑÍÛ......................................................................................35
8. ÍÅÏÐÈßÇÍÅÍÍÛÅ ×ÓÂÑÒÂÀ. ......................................... 35
9. ÃÍÅÂ.
............................................................-.....................37
10. ÃÍÅÂ ÍÀ ÑÀÌÎÃÎ ÑÅÁß. ................................................37
11. ÂÑÏÛËÜ×ÈÂÎÑÒÜ........................................................... 38
12.
ÑÊÓÊÀ.................................................................................38
13.
ËÞÁÎÂÜ...........................................................................
40
14.
ÄÅÏÐÅÑÑÈß.....................................................................
40
ÏÐÅÎÄÎËÅÍÈÅ ÐÀÇÎ×ÀÐÎÂÀÍÈß..................................... 40
ÏÐÈ×ÈÍÛ ÄÅÏÐÅÑÑÈÈ........................................................ 41
ÃÍÅÂ, ÇÀÌÀÑÊÈÐÎÂÀÍÍÛÉ ÊÀÊ ÄÅÏÐÅÑÑÈß...................42
ÐÀÑÕÎËÀÆÈÂÀÍÈÅ ÑÀÌÎÃÎ ÑÅÁß....................................42
ÎÁÐÅÑÒÈ ÊÎÍÒÐÎËÜ ÍÀÄ ÑÎÁÎÉ..................................... 44
ÒÀÉÍÀ
ÑÍÎÂ..........................................................................45
ÔÀÁÐÈÊÀ ÝÌÎÖÈÉ................................................................46
ÂÀØÈ ÍÅÎÑÎÇÍÀÍÍÛÅ ÒÂÎÐ×ÅÑÊÈÅ
ÑÏÎÑÎÁÍÎÑÒÈ.....................................................................46
ÑÅÐÄÖÅ ÍÅ ËÅÆÈÒ. ............................................................ 46
ÑÌÛÑË ÍÀØÈÕ ÑÍÎÂ..........................................................48
5 ØÀÃΠÄËß ÎÁÚßÑÍÅÍÈß ÂÀØÈÕ ÑÍÎÂ......................48
ÏÎ×ÅÌÓ ÝÒÎ ÐÀÁÎÒÀÅÒ.....................................................49
ÑÎÍ ÏÐÎÔÅÑÑÎÐÀ.............................................................. 49
ÃËÀÂÀ 3. ÍÀØÅ ÌÍÅÍÈÅ Î ÑÀÌÈÕ ÑÅÁÅ. ........................ 51
ÌÍÅÍÈß...........................................................................
51
ÊÎÑÌÈ×ÅÑÊÈÉ ÊÎÐÀÁËÜ.............................................. 51
ÍÅÏÐÀÂÈËÜÍÎÅ ÏÎÍÈÌÀÍÈÅ......................................52
ÏÎÐßÄÎÊ ÐÎÆÄÅÍÈß.
ÏÅÐÂÅÍÅÖ.................................................................. 53
ÑÐÅÄÍÈÅ ÄÅÒÈ...........................................................54
ÑÀÌÛÉ ÌËÀÄØÈÉ..................................................... 54
ÅÄÈÍÑÒÂÅÍÍÛÅ ÄÅÒÈ...............................................55
ÐÀÇÍÈÖÀ Â ÂÎÇÐÀÑÒÅ. ............................................ 55
ÏÎË...............................................................................56
ÑÎÏÅÐÍÈ×ÅÑÒÂÎ ÄÅÒÅÉ......................................... 57
ÍÅÄÎÑÒÀÒÊÈ È ÏÐÎÁËÅÌÛ ÇÄÎÐÎÂÜß................. 58
ÑÎÖÈÀËÜÍÎÅ ÎÊÐÓÆÅÍÈÅ...................................... 58
ÒÐÀÃÅÄÈÈ Â ÑÅÌÜÅ....................................................59
ÑÅÌÅÉÍÛÅ ÖÅÍÍÎÑÒÈ..............................................59
ÐÅÀÊÖÈß ÐÎÄÈÒÅËÅÉ............................................... 60
ÊÀÊ ÐÅØÅÍÈß ÔÎÐÌÈÐÓÞÒ ÍÀØ ÑÒÈËÜ ÆÈÇÍÈ. .. 60
ÎÆÈÄÀÍÈß..................................................................... 61
ÊÀÊ ÐÅØÅÍÈß ÔÎÐÌÈÐÓÞÒ
ÐÀÍÍÈÅ ÂÎÑÏÎÌÈÍÀÍÈß........................................... 62
ÊÀÊ ÈÍÒÅÐÏÐÅÒÈÐÎÂÀÒÜ
ÂÎÑÏÎÌÈÍÀÍÈß............................................................63
ÄÎÃÀÄÊÈ...........................................................................63
ÂÎÑÏÎÌÈÍÀÍÈß È ÒÅÊÓÙÈÅ
ÏÐÎÁËÅÌÛ..................................................................... 64
ÂÀØÈ ÂÎÑÏÎÌÈÍÀÍÈß................................................ 65
ÍÀÌÅÊÈ ÏÎ ÈÍÒÅÐÏÐÅÒÀÖÈÈ......................................66
ÈÇÌÅÍÅÍÈÅ ÂÎÑÏÎÌÈÍÀÍÈÉ.................................... 66
ÊÀÊ ÂÎÑÏÎÌÈÍÀÍÈß
ÑÎÕÐÀÍßÞÒ ÍÀØ ÑÒÈËÜ.............................................67
ÏÐÈÎÐÈÒÅÒÛ................................................................ 68
ÑÒÐÅÌËÅÍÈÅ Ê ÇÍÀ×ÈÒÅËÜÍÎÑÒÈ............................69
ÓÌÅÍÈÅ ÍÐÀÂÈÒÜÑß................................................... 69
ÏÎÊÎÉ.............................................................................70
ÊÎÍÒÐÎËÜ......................................................................70
ÑÏÈÑÎÊ ÏÐÈÎÐÈÒÅÒÎÂ...............................................70
ß ÍÅ ÎÙÓÙÀÞ ÑÅÁß ÂÀÆÍÛÌ. ............................... 71
ÏÎÊÎÉ ÎÇÍÀ×ÀÅÒ ËÞÁÎÂÜ.......................................73
ß ÄÎËÆÅÍ ÓÃÎÆÄÀÒÜ. .............................................. 74
ÌÍÅ ÍÅ ÕÂÀÒÀÅÒ ÊÎÍÒÐÎËß. ................................... 74
ÏÐÎÖÅÑÑ ÈÇÌÅÍÅÍÈß............................................... 75
ÃËÀÂÀ 4. ÍÀØÅ ÎÁÙÅÑÒÂÅÍÍÎÅ
ÏÎËÎÆÅÍÈÅ.......................................................................78
4 ÔÀÊÒÎÐÀ ÍÅÏÎÄÃÎÒÎÂËÅÍÍÎÑÒÈ. .................... 78
ÎÁÐÀÇÖÎÂÛÉ ÃÐÀÆÄÀÍÈÍ........................................79
ÆÀËÅÒÜ ÐÎÇÃÓ............................................................ 80
ÒÐÀÄÈÖÈÎÍÍÀß ÑÅÌÜß............................................ 82
ÎÄÍÎ ÈËÈ ÁÎËÅÅ ÏÎÊÎËÅÍÈÉ
ÒÎÌÓ ÍÀÇÀÄ................................................................ 82
ÏÎÊÎËÅÍÈÅ ÏÎÑËÅ....................................................83
×ÒÎ ÍÀÐÓØÈËÎ
ÂÇÀÈÌÎÎÒÍÎØÅÍÈß:............................................... 84
ËÞÁÎÂÜ ÑÎ ÂÇÀÈÌÍÛÌ
ÓÂÀÆÅÍÈÅÌ................................................................85
ÍÎÂÀß ÌÎÄÅËÜ......................................................... 85
ÊÀÊ ÎÍÈ ÈÇÁÅÃÀÞÒ ÊÎÍÔËÈÊÒÀ. ...................................86
18 ØÀÃÎÂ Ê ÑÎÃËÀØÅÍÈÞ.............................................. 89
ÄÅÌÎÊÐÀÒÈß ÑÒÈÌÓËÈÐÓÅÒ
ÏÑÈÕÈ×ÅÑÊÎÅ ÇÄÎÐÎÂÜÅ............................................. 89
ß ÍÅ ÌÎÃÓ ÂÎÄÈÒÜ ÌÀØÈÍÓ. ....................................... 90
ÎÒÍÎØÅÍÈß ÏÐÈ ÑÂÎÁÎÄÅ.......................................... 91
×ÒÎ-ÒÎ ÍÈ ÇÀ ×ÒÎ. ......................................................... 92
ß ÑÄÅËÀÞ ÝÒÎ ÇÀ ÒÅÁß. ................................................93
ÃËÀÂÀ 5. ÓÂÅÐÅÍÍÎÅ ÐÅØÅÍÈÅ ÏÐÎÁËÅÌ................. 95
ÑÀÌÎÓÒÂÅÐÆÄÅÍÈÅ...................................................... 95
12 ÐÓÊÎÂÎÄßÙÈÕ ÓÊÀÇÀÍÈÉ
ÏÎ ÑÀÌÎÓÒÂÅÐÆÄÅÍÈÞ............................................. 95
ÁÛÒÜ ÍÅÓÂÅÐÅÍÍÛÌ.................................................... 99
ÏÐÈÕÎÄÈÒÜ ÄÎÌÎÉ ÏÎÇÄÍÎ........................................99
ÄÅËÎÂÀß ÏÎÅÇÄÊÀ..................................................... 100
ÏÎÕÎÄ Â ÊÈÍÎ. ........................................................... 100
ÏÎÉÒÈ ÍÀ ÂÅ×ÅÐÈÍÊÓ. ............................................. 100
ÝÒÎ ÂÀØÀ ÂÈÍÀ. ........................................................ 101
ÌÍÅ ÍÓÆÍÀ ÏÎÑÓÄÎÌÎÉÊÀ. .................................. 101
ÒÀÍÖÅÂÀÒÜ ÑËÈØÊÎÌ ÁËÈÇÊÎ................................ 101
ÏÎËÓ×ÅÍÈÅ ÏÎÂÛØÅÍÈß
ÇÀÐÏËÀÒÛ.................................................................... 102
ÈÑÊÓÑÑÒÂÎ ÐÅØÅÍÈß ÊÎÍÔËÈÊÒÀ......................... 103
ÄÎ ÐÀÇÃÎÂÎÐÀ............................................................ 103
ÐÀÇÃÎÂÎÐ.................................................................... 105
ÑÏÎÑÎÁÛ ÓÌÀË×ÈÂÀÍÈß......................................... 107
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ÊÀÊ ÝÒÎ ÂÛÃËßÄÈÒ. .................................................. 108
ÍÅ ÑÂÎÄÈÒÅ Ñ×ÅÒÛ, ÏÎËÓ×ÀÉÒÅ ÒÎ, ×ÒÎ
ÕÎÒÈÒÅ.........................................................................
109
ÌÑÒÈÒÜ? ß?................................................................. 110
ÍÅÎÑÂÅÄÎÌËÅÍÍÎÑÒÜ............................................. 111
ÍÅÂÎÇÌÎÆÍÎÑÒÜ ÂÅÐÍÓÒÜÑß ÍÀÇÀÄ................... 111
ÃÄÅ ÂÛ ÎÒÐÈÖÀÅÒÅ ÂÎËÞ. ...................................... 112
ÏÐÈÇÍÀÍÈÅ ÏÐÈ×ÈÍÅÍÍÎÃÎ ÂÐÅÄÀ. ..................... 113
ÈÇÁÀÂÈÒÜÑß ÎÒ ÑÂÎÅÉ ÌÑÒÈÒÅËÜÍÎÑÒÈ.............115
ÄÂÀ ÝÒÀÏÀ ÈÇÁÀÂËÅÍÈß ÎÒ ×ÓÆÎÉ
ÌÑÒÈÒÅËÜÍÎÑÒÈ..................................................... 116
ÂÎËØÅÁÍÛÅ ÐÅÇÓËÜÒÀÒÛ.......................................117
ÏÐÈ×ÈÍÅÍÍÀß ÁÎËÜ ÎÏÐÀÂÄÛÂÀÅÒ ÇËÎÑÒÜ......117
ÃËÀÂÀ 6. ÄÐÓÃÎÉ ÏÎË..................................................119
ÍÀØÅ ÎÒÍÎØÅÍÈÅ.................................................. 119
ÏËÀÍ ÄËß ÓËÓ×ØÅÍÈß
ÎÒÍÎØÅÍÈÉ............................................................ 120
ß ÍÅ ÌÎÃÓ ÍÀÉÒÈ ËÞÁÎÂÜ. ................................ 122
1+2=0
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ÌÎÅ ÎÒÍÎØÅÍÈÅ ÍÅ ÑÅÐÄÅ×ÍÎÅ...................... 124
37 ÑÈÌÏÒÎÌÎÂ...................................................... 127
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4 ÎØÈÁÎ×ÍÛÕ ÖÅËÈ. ........................................... 129
ÑÕÅÌÀ ËÞÁÎÂÍÎÉ ÏÐÎÃÐÅÑÑÈÈ. ..................... 130
ÃÐÀÔÈÊ Ñ×ÀÑÒÜß................................................... 132
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